


Memories

by Ankhetperue



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 00:57:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5847664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ankhetperue/pseuds/Ankhetperue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo explores memories and feelings in an attempt to figure out what put him on the path he's on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

Kylo couldn’t quite remember, but certainly there had been a time when anger hadn’t been the only emotion he could feel. It was the only one in recent memory but it couldn’t be the only one. It had been so long though that he was becoming uncertain.  
Perhaps he had felt love and safety when his mother would lie with him. She would stroke his thick, dark hair and whisper stories to him of the war. Grand tales that he suspected she embellished but she painted beautiful pictures in his mind that carried him to sleep. 

Maybe he had felt pride and confidence when his father would show him how to fix the ships. Letting him wire things incorrectly. He’d never yelled at him or made any indication that he was disappointed. His father would just laugh, ruffle his hair, and walk him through the correct steps until he’d fixed it himself. 

Those memories were far away and so distant they were almost dreams. He wasn’t even sure if they were real memories or ones he’d made up to comfort himself. The stronger memories, the ones that turned him this way, were not good. They made him angry to even think of them. 

Leia shooing him away to listen to reports about far-off worlds. The things happening on the outer fringes of the galaxy took precedence over his lessons or anything else he might have wanted to show her.  
Han waving his hand dismissively-“not now”- when he came back from trips that had kept him away for weeks. The next mission always more important than showing his son how to fix a broken droid he’d found on the edges of the base.  
Then there was his uncle Luke. Somewhere the teacher-student dynamic had become strained. The endless questioning about his grandfather’s days as a Sith lord and the clear fascination by him had disturbed his uncle. Made him uneasy about teaching his nephew anything. 

All of them had pushed him to this point. They had all but put him on the Finalizer with the First Order and Snoke and Hux. What harm had a questioning child ever done anyone? Was there something wrong with him that they could not find in themselves to forgive? 

Well they certainly wouldn’t forgive him now. Not after what he’d done to the other students and to his own father. They were memories now. Soon to be distant and uncertain just like the ones of his mother stroking his hair. They would be swallowed by his anger and hate just like everything else until he couldn’t remember being anything but this.

**Author's Note:**

> Short drabble. Trying to get back into the swing of writing and this is the first thing I've been inclined to post in ages. Any comments or anything really would be much appreciated! I've been away from both fandom and fanfiction for far too long so apologies for any roughness or awkwardness. :3


End file.
